I’m awakened! It is a precious gift from Genadiy Givin to see the world as it really is, to be present in\u00a0reality, to perceive what is happening without instant estimating, to realize constantly that I am just here.\u00a0This is the most beautiful thing that can happen in life.<\/p>\n
My inner search, as it turned out later, my unconscious inner search began during my student years.\u00a0Before that, in my childhood, I decided that during life I needed to try everything and that’s what I did. I\u00a0tried different kinds of sport, hobbies, I even got my first job when I was 15 years old. I had many friends,\u00a0I smoked, drank alcohol, moved to another city and made new friends and that was it… At that point I\u00a0began to understand something was wrong. On the surface everything was pretty good. But deep down I\u00a0felt some kind of misunderstanding, lack of love, complete absence of interest or it lasted a little, I was\u00a0indifferent to people and to what was happening around me.\u00a0Absolute lack of full-value when you have everything. I didn’t feel myself sufficient. And all these was\u00a0accompanied by a very colorful emotional background. Worrying, suffering, resentment, desire for\u00a0pleasure, self-affirmation, need to prove something to someone, to get something from someone, to feel\u00a0saturation and significance… now looking back I can see how difficult and ridiculous it all was.<\/p>\n
At around 20 years old I figured out that life was a period from birth to death. Anyway we die, everything
\nin this world is dual and everything comes to its end. Therefore, during this time, which is called life, you
\nneed to live so that there would be nothing to regret about. So to say, life for me was time that could not
\nbe wasted. Actually after that nothing changed from outside. There appeared some courage, confidence,
\npermissiveness and at the same time openness, desire to help and to do something for others, enthusiasm,
\nthe ability to enjoy what is happening. But it didn’t last that long. Deep inside I was haunted by
\ndisappointment and frustration from meaninglessness, I could not take the fact that life was time and a set
\nof cause-and-effect relations. It couldn’t be so stupid and boring! At some point it became unbearable for
\nme, I plunged into depression. Well, I didn’t get to it as I can’t stand weakness and depression is a very
\nstrong weakness, I couldn’t afford it. And so I had a wonderful bouquet made of causes-and-effects. Life
\nwas boring and meaningless, hence pervasive sadness and disappointment and that led to lack of desire to
\nmove on which got accompanied by self-pity that was why there appeared self-hatreds because of
\nweakness, and eventually that ended up with sense of guilt. At that moment I graduated from the
\nuniversity and got lost completely. The set up life plan was fulfilled and I did not know what to do next.
\nAs a result after all these torments and unbelievable internal tension I freaked out and let everything go,
\nput my faith in life and gave myself to the flow. One thing, another, so everything started turning back
\nand forth and I found myself in Minsk, got a job, fell in love with Roma and we began to live together.<\/p>\n
Roma just came from Norilsk to study with Genadiy. Unlike me he had a conscious search. After
\ncompleting the initial course Roma gradually began to talk about a need for my training. It was a shock
\nfor me but the decision had to be made. The question was urgent and I decided to go to that training for
\nlove’s sake, for sake of my relations. Oh, it blew up in my face after that!<\/p>\n
I started my training and my goal was to maintain and develop my relations. All those talks about waking
\nup, states of samadhi, the highest goal of human life, stepping out of borders of consciousness were
\nabsolute fairy tales, which I did not understand. I was more interested in practical things such as building
\neco settlements, creating environment of like-minded people with common values, interested in personal
\ndevelopment, self-realization, who was eager to get rid of resistance to life, gining independence from
\nsocial stereotypes and many other minor things.<\/p>\n
I changed my attitude to life and it contributed to my own change, a tremendous self-work was done. The
\nmost painful thing for me was to reject some things for the sake of the team, for the sake of the training.
\nTo learn not to indulge my selfishness. It was really painful. But the feeling of independence and freedom
\nfrom the old habits, which was brought by that internal work it, of course, can not be described with
\nwords. It is a feeling of liberation, lightness, simplicity. Also a great speed of changes was there due to
\nthe team work. They say that one person increases the result by 7 times and there were 40 of us back then
\nand with a half of them I interacted daily. All the processes took place rapidly, which made me feel
\nterribly uncomfortable. My ego did not want to give up any positions and the desire to consume reached a
\npainful peak, I suffered from that for over six months until the day I gave up. I left the practice and broke
\nup with Roma, because I did not want to torture myself for him, I did not want to sacrifice anything. The
\nreason for my training still was our relations. I needed comfort and a huge fence for my personality. I
\nlived in that comfort for 2 weeks surrounded by people who did not practice. It was a HELL! I didn’t\u00a0understand how people can live like this!!! In their little world, which constantly needs to be guarded,
\nprotected, refilled. No way, someone would encroach on it! It is so difficult, useless, insignificant, narrow
\nand little. I had such a feeling that I lived on a very rich, fertile, beautiful island, in love and happiness,
\nand suddenly I turned out in a cage by the size of one square meter. It’s like my oxygen was taken away.
\nThat resonance gave me the value of learning and practicing. In order to go back and attend the course of
\ngetting practices of consonance and meditation I had to overcome myself in a few more things that helped
\nto form a firm decision regardless of anything, I needed only that practice and for that I would do
\nwhatever it took. That’s where it all began. I feel that this decision was the beginning of my awakening.<\/p>\n
Intensive courses in autumn in Latvia and Minsk changed my life again, I opened a sensory organ of
\nperception, I started to have experiences of awakening. I surrendered to life and began to practice being in
\nthe present moment more actively. I wanted to remove resistance and gain more determination. My
\ndetermination, actions in that direction and pressure helped me to remove the resistance. In the team that
\nprocess was quick and not so painful as if it could have been if I had done it alone. Then our Teacher just
\nthrew me through the point of awakening. I removed the resistance and he transferred me. I’ve done
\nmaybe 1-2% of work which was no longer to resist Genadiy. Huge thanks to you, Genadiy!<\/p>\n
I was awakened. Everything changed in my life. Actually, only after awakening I began to live. I
\ndiscovered reality not burdened with analysis, evaluation, worries. Now the reaction is pure, spontaneous
\nand instant. Perception became very clear and sensual. Everything around is alive, filled with energy. All
\nwhat is happening is perfect, it simply happens as it has to. People became closer. There is a limitless
\nflow of gratitude, love and warmth. The perception changed and I became independent from thoughts,
\nemotions, physical sensations. I just exist. I am just right here and right now. And I’m not a girl named
\nKsenia. I’m more. I am the space where all this is happening and what is creating all this. I am complete
\nand infinite. It cannot be described in words, it must become a personal experience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m awakened! It is a precious gift from Genadiy Givin to see the world as it really is, to be present in\u00a0reality, to perceive what is happening without instant estimating, to realize constantly that I am just here.\u00a0This is the most beautiful thing that can happen in life. My inner search, as it turned out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":120617,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-120190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-awakened-students"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n